Today’s episode is kind of a continuation of something I talked about a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago, I talked about how I transitioned from being a corporate attorney to owning my own business, having two businesses being a business coach, and why I made that transition. And I gave some talk about how I did that. Something that came up through that episode, and that has been a huge thing for me to overcome, is understanding that my identity is not as that of an attorney. And I think oftentimes we think that the thing that we are doing, and the profession that we have is our identity. And it just is who we are. And so when our job or our profession is who we are, the idea of leaving the job or leaving the profession seems impossible. Because our whole identity is tied to that thing.
So let me use myself as an example. I was a lawyer, to become a lawyer, I still am a lawyer, I just don’t practice to become a lawyer. It took a lot of time and effort and energy. I went to college, and then after college, I had to apply and get into law school. So then I went to law school, and I studied really, really hard and then got through law school. And then I studied for the bar exam and passed that. And then after that, I got a Master’s of law for a year. So a lot of time and a lot of effort. And a lot of education and money went into becoming an attorney. That education in that profession really helped to shape the way that my brain functions, the way I do things, the way I operate, the way I exist as a person and a business owner. And so because law had become such a huge part of my life because it had taken so much effort and so much energy and so much time, I really became married to that identity, I had that laser-focused goal, which I think we can all identify with a lot of times we’ll have these really big goals. And we’re so laser-focused to get to that thing, that it becomes our all in our everything. And that’s how I was with the practice of law. I started practicing law and I was an attorney like that is who I am. That is what I’m doing. So because I’m an attorney, what are the goals within this practice that I am going to accomplish?
Even though I’ve started to become very unhappy and unsatisfied and unfulfilled with the profession, and also with what my life would look like, within the profession. I felt like I had to stay in it. And I had someone say to me once, Regina, you’re not an attorney. That is not your identity. You are Regina, and you have had lots of jobs and lots of vocations in this lifetime, to be a daughter, to be a sister, to be a partner, to be a lawyer, to be a law professor. But those are just vocations. They’re not my identity. And so I started to think about it from that perspective. And this applies whether you are in a profession or your profession is to be a stay at home parent, whatever it is, I challenge you to start to think about the way that you Identify yourself, do you look at yourself and you say, I’m a mom, I’m a wife. Those are things that are a huge part of your life. They are pivotal in your life, but they are not who you are. And a lot of times when we identify as being our profession, or our vocation, we neglect the human, we neglect the soul, we neglect the person because we are able to put all of our energy into this external career that we have adopted. And we stop putting energy into ourselves. Our professions and our jobs and our vocations can be major distractions from doing the work that is required to find true peace and fulfillment and happiness in this lifetime.
For me, I was so laser-focused on the task at hand, each task as it came up, going to school, getting good grades, going to law school, getting good grades, getting through law school studying for the bar, I was always fixated on the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, that was really great, because it enabled me to not pay attention to how I was actually feeling inside of my body, I was able to check out and to just pretend that I was fine. And it enabled me to distract myself from the work I had to do on myself. This applies across the board, I have so many friends who are super high achievers, incredible, brilliant human beings. Unlike me, they went to law school, where they went to school, and they used it as a major fucking distraction. And we don’t do the human work, and we don’t do the soul work. And then we wonder why one day we wake up in our 30s. And we question everything that we’re doing with our lives because the human and the soul are not happy. And that is where I was, I see it with people who want to become mothers, or want to get married. Not necessarily because it’s the thing that they really want. But because it is a distraction from the work that really needs to be done. It’s really interesting. We are really good at running from ourselves from our trauma from so many things. And I say that from experience because I did that for so many years. And it wasn’t until I started to change my relationship with who I am. And what I want out of this lifetime, that I was able to start to do that work and make the separation.
So if you are somebody who’s listening to this, and you have spent your life just totally identifying with your job, your profession, your career, your vocation, and you’re seeking to create some distance and to find out who you really are, I want to tell you some things that I did that really helped me work through that. And to make the shift from I am Regina, the attorney, I am Regina the girlfriend. I am Regina, the law professor, to just I am Regina. And one of the first things I did was I started to make time for myself to be with myself in silence. I felt a sigh over there. Like sometimes being alone with ourselves and our thoughts and our feelings, just with ourselves is really daunting and really scary. And I totally acknowledge that and I and I honor that. But it’s in the space. It’s in the white space. It’s in the peace. It’s in the quiet. It’s in the alone moments that we can’t run from ourselves. We are who we are and we are where we are. And there’s nowhere to go. And so if you are really seeking to tap into who you really are, without the titles and the experiences, sit in silence. Have a journal and write down things that come up for you. When I started this process, I realized that I had a lifetime of achievements and pursuits that I have gone after, and yet I was still really unhappy inside my soul.
And I was baffled. Why are you so unhappy? You have done what you have sought to do and then I started To dig in the silence. And I realized, there were so many things that I had never dealt with that I had just buried deep, deep, deep down inside of me, like, I hadn’t fully processed and understood my feelings around my parent’s divorce and the impact that had on me, I hadn’t really addressed my own codependency issues and my own, you know, issues with addiction to performance and to perfection. And I started to dive deep into that to figure out what was really important to me and what really mattered. And it was through that, that I was able to figure out who I really am, and what I really stand for, and what I really believe in. And, and have it not be connected to a job or profession, a partner, a place in a family, right. So I give you massive permission, to start to do that work and just to start to sit in the silence, and to be with yourself and with your thoughts is so, so transformative.
A couple of books that I read that was so pivotal for me in understanding myself, I read breaking the habit of being yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza. That book was so powerful because it showed me that I am not stuck in who I am. We as humans have the ability to change. Biologically, our brains have the ability to change and to morph and to transform and we are never stuck with who we are. I read you Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. That book was really transformational for me because I started to understand the effect that trauma and experiences have on the body and how experiences that are unprocessed can get trapped in the body and lead to disease. And that was huge for me because I was a stuffer. I would stuff down my feelings and I would stuff down my emotions. And then they would manifest in my body. And lots of weird ways that I didn’t understand until I started to do this work. What were some other really pivotal, Oh, the most pivotal book for me was, it’s called Codependent no more by Melody Beatty. I never thought I was codependent until I read this book. And I actually believe that most people are very codependent. And we just don’t realize how it manifests. I think part of humanity is having to manage codependence. So that was another book that I always refer back to. It’s been so transformational for me.
But really, aside from the books, just starting with myself and being with myself, and being comfortable with being with myself and being in the silence. And just being alone was really powerful. So I invite you to do that. I invite you to start small, five minutes a day, commit to five minutes a day for two weeks, and see what comes up for you and see what comes forward for you. When I would do the silence, I would just ask for guidance, whatever you believe in, even if you don’t believe in a higher power, even if yourself is the highest power. Ask yourself, what do I need? What needs to come forward and just sit in the silence and breathe for five minutes. Do it for two weeks and let me know what happens. I hope this is helpful guys. I hope you have had such a beautiful week. We’re just having a little quickie this week but I wanted to pop in and share this with you guys.
Regina Lawrence Esq. is a former trial attorney and law school professor turned soulful business & life strategist. She has found that so many entrepreneurs have these brilliant ideas and dreams but don’t know how to take the dream and create a system or structure to make that dream & idea profitable. That is where Regina comes in. With discipline, consistency, systems & structure, we can’t help but create profit & fulfillment from our soul-driven business ideas.
Regina’s approach to coaching marries her background in legal analysis, spirituality, mindset coaching, holistic nutrition, and neuroscience to create an experience that will assist you in getting into alignment, get clear on what you are here to do and what steps and systems to implement to make that dream a profitable reality.
You can find Regina on Instagram @reginaalawrence.