Today, we have such a brilliant, beautiful soul on the podcast. today. Our guest is Vanessa ring gal. She is the founder of GRAVITAS, a neuro coaching company that has empowered hundreds of women to manifest love. She’s a certified spiritual psychologist and a neuro-linguistic programming expert and has a professional background as the head matchmaker at 3-day rule. She has an MBA from the region’s Business School, which has allowed her to connect with many women globally. And she is proud to be from Guadalajara, Mexico. She’s beautiful. She’s brilliant. Everything we talked about on the episode today ranges from her career that started in marketing that brought her into the world of matchmaking. And then, from being in the world of matchmaking, she realized that many people were repeating patterns of behavior and who they were seeking to love, which brought her to have an awareness about herself and make epic changes on a soul and mind level. And she has taken everything that she has learned, all of the education, and applied this into her work. This woman is so educated. She’s not the average manifestation coach you find on Instagram; she has done this work in her own life, has manifested the love of her life, and coaches and teaches clients how to do the same thing.

Make sure you go and follow Vanessa over on all her social media:  https://www.begravitas.com @begravitas
https://www.facebook.com/begravitas/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCT5cvNVVaoyO13G3lWuQVbw/featured
https://www.linkedin.com/company/begravitas

I’m so excited for our guests on the podcast today. Anyone who follows me or spends time with me on social media knows that I’m constantly talking about how we bring abundance into our business. Manifestation is something that in this latter part of my journey in life, I’ve started to dive into a dear friend of mine who has also been a part of guest magic. Nicole Milton introduced me to today’s guest. I’m so excited to have Vanessa Ringel today on the podcast.

Regina: Nicole told me that she met you back in the day when you were working in the business of matchmaking. Is that right? How does somebody become a matchmaker? How did you get into that?

Vanessa: I had a normal job, I was in marketing, I was Marketing Director for a startup, and I had worked in startups that I had an MBA, and I was kind of in that world, in London, and then, but it just didn’t feel fulfilling. I didn’t feel I was doing something that really mattered, that made a difference. And I always cared a lot about why I was doing what I was doing.

So, I sought out a coach at the time, and I never had any experience with coaching, but I sought out a coach because I felt kind of unhappy with my life, even though I had achieved everything that I thought that I should want.  I had a boyfriend who wanted to marry me, who was a banker, I was living in a nice apartment, and I had a good job. And at a time when a lot of people couldn’t get a job. And it was a creative job, and so everything should have been fine. It just felt something was missing.  I was kind of doing it for someone else, not for myself. And so, when I tapped into my subconscious through this coach, it became clear to me in one session. I got hypnotized, And I didn’t even think I could be hypnotized. But in that session became super clear to me that I was meant to be a matchmaker. That my purpose was to help people find love. And that that was what mattered to me.

I came out of there, and I’m moving to LA and breaking up with this boyfriend. This is not right for me. And I’ve decided I’m going to be a matchmaker. But how do I become a matchmaker? The question you’re asking is, how do you become a matchmaker -It was not a job you could find on job boards,

So I just put it out there into the universe; I’m a matchmaker because you got to fake it till you make it. I believe that once you when you decide you’re going to be something and you’re going to do something, it’s embodying it is the key.

After a while of matchmaking, people. I became the first director of matchmaking in a 3-day-rule. And so I was hiring and training matchmakers all over the country and overseeing events because we partner with match.com. It was so interesting to be able to work with so many inspiring people.  

So being a matchmaker is an inside job. So much of it is patterns in the subconscious mind, and what people are drawn to. My purpose stayed the same, but how I do it is different now. And I still actually do matchmaking, but since I’m connected with the 3-day -rule. And so I set people up with matchmakers.

REGINA:  What was that transition for you because you said it was very quickly? You went from being a woman who was in more of a corporate setting, and you were “setting the intention.” I’m doing something completely different. What was that for you to go from marketing to matchmaking?  

VANESSA: That’s a great question. It felt I stopped walking in someone else’s shoes and started walking the path that was meant to be for me, and it was all of my gifts, my qualities, the ways in which I wanted to make a difference in the world. Part of it was altruistic in that way. I wanted to do something good and make a positive difference and help people, and then another part of it was also just, really being authentic to myself into who I am. The marketing job was fine, but it didn’t have great meaning for me. It didn’t feel that fulfilling. I was marketing, a demand-side platform, which was kind of cool. But it’s retargeting of ads on mobile, and it was the first one on mobile. I was in my early 20s. I was very much living for everyone else. I was trying to be impressive. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to show people that I, I could make it, that I was worthy.

I had a lot of limiting beliefs and a lot of a lack of confidence. I was doing everything to be cool to be impressive, but I hadn’t found my voice. And then once I did this work, this inner work, the coaching work, suddenly, I could listen to myself. The typical jobs were not for me. I was always meant to be an entrepreneur. I was always meant to have my own business. But that was terrifying because I didn’t have experience.  I just didn’t even know where to start or what my business going to be. I think it’s when you find your passion and your purpose that’s where the business comes from. Now with my coaching business, I have so much passion for it, and I see so much. I see so much happening for it in the next few years. And it’s just organic. It’s very natural. It’s an extension of me because it’s all part of my purpose.  

REGINA:  I had a very similar experience to you when I decided to leave law. I was scared because I had done the thing that I was supposed to do. Then realizing, this is not my highest purpose, I could do this forever and be successful, but it wasn’t the most fulfilling thing for your soul.

VANESSA: Life is short, and you realize. “I don’t even think I could really do it forever.”  I was doing well. And it was fine. But my skin started turning kind of greenish. My body was having physical reactions to it. I just didn’t feel right to me in my body or my heart. It was just going through the emotions and forcing myself. Every day felt like a fight, to force myself to stay with the guy, to force myself to go to the job, to force myself to do all these things that didn’t feel right to me. It started to feel depressing. It started to feel like I didn’t look forward to my days, I’ll have another day at work and, and I feel so badly for people that must go to work every day and dread going to work and are waiting for the weekend and living for the weekend. Because I kind of went through that at that point. And I just can’t anymore. I feel that’s no way to live.

REGINA:  Totally. I remember waking up in the morning to go to work when towards the end, thinking, “Oh, I can’t wait till I can come home and go to bed tonight.” I never have those thoughts anymore ever.

VANESSA: Yes, you’re living your passion too. When you’re in that zone, it’s you’re excited to do what you’re doing every day you wake up, and it’s  “Oh my god, the things that I have lined up!” the podcasts, or the clients, or the whatever I’m doing that day it’s  I’m excited about it. It can be scary because it’s outside of my comfort zone, but I love challenging myself and doing something outside of my comfort zone versus that marketing job I had, which was great, but it became very redundant. I didn’t feel I was growing that much as a person. Because I love learning, I feel this is meant to be the career for me. I’m obsessed with growth and learning and development. I think most jobs, I would kind of hit that plateau and get bored at some point, but when it’s your business, and it’s about growth, then there’s always new learnings and new levels.

REGINA: Absolutely. So you get in, you get into the matchmaking business. And now what you’re doing is a deeper level, a fuller extension of the first step, which is matchmaking. So explain to the listeners what you do now and how you started this business that’s entirely yours.  

VANESSA: So this is really about manifesting love from the inside out. So, as a matchmaker, I worked with so many people; a lot of them matched successfully, people who came and they knew what they wanted, they were in alignment for it. And so we had a lot of success, but a lot of people also were not in alignment with what they wanted. So they either didn’t feel they deserved it, or they would be going over and over for certain kinds of dynamics and patterns that didn’t work for them.  they would come to us, they could pay a lot of money, and we could match them, but they would just keep going for

the same thing as women who are going for unavailable men; they’d be drawn to the same unavailable men. And or men who went for women who were in their past relationships, women who were too masculine and would put them down, they would go for that again.

It was just interesting for me to see that to see how rampant that was. How many people are stuck in their patterns? And then, at the same time, while being a matchmaker, I was stuck in my patterns, dating, so I was dating, and I couldn’t make my relationships work, either. And I kept asking, “Why do I keep attracting the same thing? The same situation that isn’t working for me either?” It was so frustrating! And then I felt some of that masterstroke; I’m matching people and getting advice… I feel I don’t really have it. I don’t know what I’m doing either. I was talking to a lot of the clients who were in their 40s or much older, and I felt I need to figure this out for myself first. So then I ended up leaving and going to an ashram. And that was the beginning of my spiritual awakening, and my training, and my kind of obsession with the subconscious mind.

REGINA:  How old were you at this point when this was happening?

VANESSA: Mid 20s. I started this whole journey 10 years ago, between matchmaking and coaching. And both were fundamental to where I’m at today because having all that experience as a matchmaker felt I got a Ph.D. in psychology from that. And then after that, I did a master’s in spiritual psychology and neuro-linguistic programming, and trained in hypnotherapy and all of these tools of the subconscious mind. I work with a lot of energetics, and with somatic exercises, it’s the body and the heart, and the spiritual realm. Everything related that’s getting in people’s way to create what they want. Offline, I work with people on anything that they want to create and that they’re feeling blocked or stuck in. I can help them to create that by rewiring whatever has been blocking them. So seeing the limiting beliefs, going to the root of when those beliefs came, and changing the perspective so that then they have a whole new path forward.

REGINA: When you started this journey when you were having your spiritual awakening, and you discovered all the different modalities and tools that you’re now using, with your coaching clients, what was the biggest transformation or shift that you underwent that pivoted you into this business?

VANESSA: I had a sense of this, this great curiosity and interest in the mind and how the mind works. So then, as I learned those tools, and I started studying all of that, for myself, it was something I wanted to be able to help myself because I was struggling with different things. I struggled as a teenager with depression. I had struggled with different things that felt very out of my control. And that is why I want to feel unshakable, and I want to feel totally in alignment with my purpose. In reality, it was me trying to learn all this for myself, and in learning all that, I realized, “Oh my god, I can’t believe more people don’t know this, I can’t believe that they don’t teach us this.” And then it happened very naturally, the coaching, I got clients without even trying. These were referrals, word of mouth. It went that very comfortably for years. But I felt called to go online and to be able to work with more people and have a bigger impact.

And it was just terrifying to me because I was scared of public speaking. It’s actually the number one fear in the world now. But I wanted to do Online, the thing is, I’m not such a social media person, so I kept resisting it… because of my clients, I’ve taken it online, and it’s been a whole new world, a whole new ballgame. But it’s been very exciting. I’ve been featured in all these magazines; I’ve been placed on TV and podcasts, and all of these things have manifested super quickly once I was aligned for it. I’m very grateful.

REGINA: Something that you didn’t share yet today, but that you and I have talked about before, is one of the big things that happened. When you really started to do the inner work and undergo your transformation was when you manifested your love, right?

VANESSA: Yes, I manifested the love of my life. My husband.

REGINA: Can you share a little bit about manifesting your husband through your own journey and work?

VANESSA: Absolutely. See, I kept going, I had my pattern, I kind of noticed at some point (this was actually when I was 29) I’m almost 30, and I thought 30, I would be married. And that the oldest I could have imagined getting married. I realized, “Oh, my God, I’m an adult. I’m 29.” And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. But this is not working. Whatever I’m going for is just not working for me.

And so I became aware through these tools (because I really studied all of this), and I started applying them to my love life. To see “What are my patterns? What have I been going for? what do I keep going for?” So I had kind of taken the role of being a therapist, and that felt comfortable. And then I realized, I don’t want that I don’t want a guy who was messed up, has full of issues where I need to be his therapist even though that’s familiar, and I would feel valuable. I had to realize that if I’m with a guy who has it together and who’s all the things that I want, it will all boil down to giving myself the self-worth that was needed in my life. I want someone who’s going to be an equal and was going to inspire me to be better.

So did a lot of traveling by myself, where I spent time with myself and got to know myself. I manifested him right after, and it blows my mind how quick it was and how easy it was and how natural it was when I met him because he treated me the way I was treating myself. Someone valuable. I attracted someone similar, who was very loving and who was very generous. He was just my rock and just so different from any guy I had dated before. This was me going for something different. I got scared because it was out of my comfort zone, and it was so different. He was successful and so loving, just different from all the other guys I’ve dated before. I was in a place of inner peace, and so then I attracted that. He is on board with my plan with my vision for my life. He doesn’t need to keep me small. And that was something I used to go for. These guys that were threatened by me being successful, by me being what I wanted to be, by me shining, or me, me doing what I wanted to do would threaten them.

REGINA:  Totally. Interestingly, you say that, because I’ve had this conversation with women a lot, especially in the spiritual community, there’s a lot of conversation right now around masculine and feminine energy. And sometimes I feel the spectrum or the pendulum has swung, and where sometimes women who have a bold personality, and are strong I women and sometimes people are, “Oh, it’s so masculine.”  I don’t necessarily think that that’s the case. You can be strong and confident and assertive, and very feminine, but oftentimes, women with that are kind of shamed or feel a little ashamed, and so they think, “I can’t have a bigger presence than the man I’m with.”

VANESSA: Yeah, and a lot of men are threatened. And it’s because their ego is a bit fragile, and you are a lady boss, and you go out there, in charge, and you have a big presence… that will definitely be something that a lot of men might feel intimidated by. They can feel emasculated by it, but it’s only men that are not that secure that feel this. These are the men that have not fully realized themselves. The thing is, once they are in a place where they fully realize themselves and are confident that they’re doing the things that they want in their life, then they will want that for you.

REGINA: Yeah, they’re going to let you be you and have freedom and do the things that you’re on this planet to do. I also know you work with anyone and everyone who have blocks in their life. The question is, how do I manifest the things that I am desiring? My heart’s desires in my business?

 VANESSA: That’s a great question. the tools that I use with neuro coaching, neuro-linguistic programming are about understanding the language of your brain and your mind.  So as we talk, we’re saying, the way we talk to ourselves and the way that we talk out loud, it matters. The words we say matter. Our brains, our subconscious minds they can’t differentiate from the truth and not truth and from positive and negative. So if you’re always coming from a place of fear of everything that can’t work, then that’s how your mind is wired.

So you start to create neural pathways, and your brain is focusing, creating neural networks and everything that can go wrong. And so you’re going attract that. You’re going to make that familiar, and you’re more likely to make that a reality. Versus if you think what’s the best that can happen with this? So if you want to create a certain business, and it feels right now completely out of your, out of your realm, it’s something so far away.  What you want to do is you want to make it really close, really familiar. You want to spend time with it and make that experience very real right now as if it’s already happening. So it starts to become familiar, you start to create neural networks for it, you start to identify the opportunities, your brain starts to be wired for that, and then you’re so much more likely to make it a reality.

REGINA:  When people are going through that exercise of what is the best thing that can happen and being in it and feeling as if it has already happened? Do you think that it’s most effective to be thinking about it or writing about it? Or both?

VANESSA: So I think it’s their vision boards, and there’s journaling, and there are all these different tools that you can use and ideal scenes and all of that. But the most important thing, the thing that works the best and the fastest, is really tuning into it as if it’s happening right now. So it’s meditating on it almost. But it’s so important to be associated. So that

it’s happening to you. It’s not some version of you in the future that you’re imagining.  

It’s way less powerful than if you put yourself in that situation. And you feel it happening to you, and you see it as if it’s happening, and you imagine it as if it’s happening right now to you at this moment. So that is what makes it more likely to happen and to get clarity and getting also in terms of manifestation. This is how manifestation works. It’s very simple, and it’s down to three things. One thing is clarity. Laser clarity on your vision. What you want specifically and why so that you’re really tuned in to your why as well.

So what you want to know, why you want it, it’s very clear. Number two is intentionality. So what you feed with your energy grows, so feeding, putting your positive energy into what you want into that vision. And so, you’re thinking about it, and you’re spending time with it, you’re really feeding it. And then number three is aligned action. So it’s just thinking about it and imagining it. And all of that is great. But it’s not enough if you don’t do anything about it. So then it’s doing everything in your power to make it a reality with your actions. You need to believe, “I’m fully aligned for it.” So if there are any limiting beliefs or blocks that come up, that’s when you need a coach or someone to help you to release that because we all have blind spots we all have.  Every single person has limiting beliefs, blind spots. And so that’s where it’s really helpful to have someone who can see what’s blocking you, what’s getting in your way, and help you to release that and shift those beliefs.

REGINA: I see the aligned action. Some people think that they can just journal it, envision it, and it will just be it will just happen. And then the action piece. 

VANESSA: Yeah, and really what that is, is being in your comfort zone. So it’s able to have the courage to go outside of your comfort zone and face whatever your fears you have because humans have fears. Everybody has fears. Nobody’s fearless.  that word is just not true. Everybody has fears. And it’s just a question of how brave and courageous you are to overcome that. Do it with the fear. To have the fear and say, “Okay, I feel the fear, and I’m going to do it anyway.” That’s when it’s so important to have that clarity of vision and your WHY, and you’ve spent time with it, and you’ve imagined it, and you put your energy towards it. Focus your energy on your vision and everything that can happen from it as if it’s already happening. And take those action steps.

REGINA: Something special that you do that I experienced with you is when you talk about the clarity of your vision and your WHY. And being in the energy of that “as if it’s happening right now,” living in it, feeling it, is something you do that I’ve never experienced until I did it with you. Vanessa does this thing where she talks you through in meditation. It’s almost felt like a meditation. Your dreams, as if they are happening in this present moment, and what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling and the really deep, deep, deep level of the feeling, that if you weren’t there to guide me through it, I would not have thought about it, and felt it in my body the way I did.

VANESSA: Yeah. And that’s key for it to come true.  Just thinking about it intellectually is not enough. When people think about it intellectually, it’s very unlikely for it to happen. It’s only when they connect to it emotionally and physically. Then there’s a huge percentage chance I can’t remember. But it’s much more likely to become true. And I know that just writing it down in present tense makes it 40% more likely to come true. And that comes down to the clarity. Again, it’s when you write it down; you’re organizing your thoughts in a tangible place. So it’s not just floating around in your mind. And you might even realize a lot and writing it down. All of that makes it more tangible and more real. There’s so much going on in the world; we can’t focus on everything. So it’s all about what you choose to focus on. That’s your choice. That’s your filter. And, and so I help people to change their filters, that their filters aren’t working for them. If what you’re seeing and the stories that you have about your life and what you’re manifesting isn’t what you want, then it’s not working for you, now you can change it, and that’s the good news. Because there’s neuroplasticity, now we know that you can rewire your brain at any age, and you can create new neural networks.

REGINA:  I love the work that you’re doing. It’s so important for people to realize that because I think a lot of us are told, “You are who you are.” And that’s it. And we’re kind of told to go through life in this with this story and this conditioning. And I love the work that you do because you’re really teaching people that you have the power to change the story and to change the inner dialogue, and to change the outcome of your life ultimately.

VANESSA: Yeah, 100%. And I did it. I mean, I did it myself. I’ve seen it work with hundreds of clients. So when you change the belief about yourself, then it manifests in your life, too.

REGINA:  Thank you so much for being a guest on the podcast and just sharing all of your wealth of knowledge and experience, and information. I’m so thankful for you.

If you guys love this episode, please take a screenshot, share it on your story and tag Vanessa and me on Instagram. Tell us what you loved about the episode. I love you guys. I hope you have such a beautiful week, and I will see you next week on the podcast.

Regina Lawrence Esq. is a former trial attorney and law school professor turned soulful business & life strategist. She has found that so many entrepreneurs have these brilliant ideas and dreams but don’t know how to take the dream and create a system or structure to make that dream & idea profitable.  That is where Regina comes in.  With discipline, consistency, systems & structure, we can’t help but create profit & fulfillment from our soul-driven business ideas.

Regina’s approach to coaching marries her background in legal analysis, spirituality, mindset coaching, holistic nutrition, and neuroscience to create an experience that will assist you in getting into alignment, get clear on what you are here to do and what steps and systems to implement to make that dream a profitable reality.

You can find Regina on Instagram @reginaalawrence.