Today I’m so excited for our guest we have another human being who is such a beautiful human connector. In fact, he founded an organization called “The Intentional Connector”. Mr. Chris Delaney on Instagram is @iamchrisdelaney. Chris is somebody I met through Clubhouse because everything he does is about curating and creating connection in a way that we are experiencing it as humans with one another. Chris is known as the intentional connector, a conscious business architect, thought leader, creative visionary, and expert in human connection. Chris’s core mission is to end human suffering by redefining the collective narrative around business and how we experience true connection. He’s the co-founder of the tri-vibe collection and intentional lifestyle clothing brand as well as intentional enterprises, a coaching and consulting business that has directly and indirectly impacted well over seven dozen businesses through the power of conscious business strategy.
Before this, Chris had over a decade in small business and Fortune 500 spaces, where he was tasked with developing high-performing sales teams on shoestring budgets, which continually broke records. Chris is such an interesting, powerful human being, and the conversation that we have on this podcast is so varied, so interesting. And I can’t wait for you guys to hear it. One of the core things we touch on is Chris as an intentional connector and how he got to be this way, and why he can connect with people in the beautiful way that he has chosen to and then form a whole community about it. We have this great conversation about masculine and feminine dynamics and shifting into polarities. We talk about dating; we talk about monogamy and non-monogamy—so many good juicy bits.
REGINA: So the way I want to start this episode today is a little different than how I normally start the episodes because I normally will kind of introduce my guest and prime the audience a little bit before they start, but because of the guests we have today, we’re just going to go into asking some questions and see what comes up sort of rapid, fiery, and just tell me what comes up for you first, Chris, okay? What are you most passionate right now about right now in your life?
CHRIS: I think about my vision. And again, it’s accelerated by the community; it’s turned into a mission of ending human suffering through community and connection. And I’m passionate about it. Because one, it makes me feel good. And two, the people that are involved. And so over the last 60 days, we’ve talked about this before, but this acceleration of what’s happening because of an app like Clubhouse has just like put these people in my life that I otherwise would have if it would have taken me years to meet and to network into. And it’s fucking exciting. So I’m passionate about being open to the idea of what it feels like, and then also how it’s manifesting. And it feels really good to take all the lessons I’ve learned over the last decade or so and just be in a space where I’m really grounded and just see it really clearly. And we’re just executing. So that’s really, really exciting. I’m also super stoked for when this COVID thing dies down. And we have no borders to go party with some of the people I’ve met too. So that’s going to be a lot of fun.
REGINA: Okay, when you think back on your journey through life, the past, specifically the past ten years of you, as you have transformed, what has been the thing, the resource, the modality, the book, the teacher that has helped you the most on the journey?
CHRIS: I think journaling and being by myself has honestly been an accelerant for me in terms of, I got introduced to personal development, like, you know, four or five years ago, and I started reading some of these books. And I was like, yeah, this makes sense. Because I think a lot of my life experience led me down a path of personal life development, I think. And I don’t really do a lot of digesting anymore. There was a part of my life where I was, digesting so much stuff. That really what I’m doing right now is I’ve limited the amount of input into me and just really focused on learning about myself. So I have journals full of my own thoughts, ideas, questions I asked myself, and spending time on my own thoughts, to me has been the healing modality for me, especially, you know, part of my background, going through a lot of grief and a lot of loss, I needed to come to grips. And as much as I kept pushing stuff into my brain, I really needed to release a lot of it. So it’s been meditation and journaling are the two things that have been like non-negotiables. And meditation has turned into emotional releasing has turned into intentional meditation of seeking my intuition. And then into energetics as well, which has been huge. Danielle Laura, somebody referenced all the time she was my spiritual advisor, and somebody opened me up to energetics. And it was a crash fucking course. And two things like spiritual warfare and shadow and masculine, feminine dynamics, but it all fell at once at home. And also like, you know, some quantum leaping in my life that I was ready for though, I think.
REGINA: Have you always had such a sexy radio voice? Or have you had to work on it? Haha!
CHRIS: Haha. I blame it on the microphone. I invested into this because of Clubhouse, so it’s mainly $1200 and all this stuff. I used to hate this out of my voice. In fact, my first Facebook Live I did was like, I think was like it’s coming up. It’s going to be March 2017. And I remember doing it, and I was so uncomfortable. It was right after my divorce. And I left the corporate world. And I was going through a period where I was trying to figure what the hell I was. And I remember I thought I was going to either, throw up or shit my pants when I got finished with it. And I listen to it. And I was like, like, what’s going on there? And, you know, I think for me, it’s interesting people respond to my voice. And I think, if anything, I’m just thankful I haven’t worked on it. I’ve gotten some voiceover gigs recently, which has been cool. But um, I think part of what people are drawn to is that I just am who I am. I don’t change it very often if anything, but I leave space to be who I am in that moment and just kind of made a deal with myself five years ago that I would permit myself to be whoever I was. Whatever came in my head would come out of my mouth, and I think people appreciate them.
REGINA: One of the biggest missions that you have is human connection. You are connecting with humans yourself, connecting humans to one another. Where does that come from? For you?
CHRIS: Yeah, it comes a lot from being a kid growing up in very adult situations where I was kind of silenced. Or I was around a lot of adult stuff. And I had to learn how to learn a lot of manipulation as a kid. I learned a lot about the dynamics of authority and things like that, and just watched a lot happen. So I’ve always been super observant. And I’ve always taken in something I think, even as a kid intuitively, like what felt good, what didn’t feel good. And so especially, after my mom passed back in 2007, I was on my own, I apply those lessons a lot to see people. And I pendulum swung for me to super, super purposeful person into like Simba going off into the woods, you know, after Mufasa dies and trying to figure shit out. And it’s like, some people have said Hakuna Matata, so I went Barton, Adele’s different things. Yeah. And then, you know, it just felt really good. And I think the catalyst for this was 2016, when I left my corporate gig, and I was out in Texas, and I didn’t have any choice. But I was broke, and I had time. And that was the only way I could really solve problems. And so intuitively, I was led to be like, what would I desire? I really would like somebody to get to know me, how would I get to know somebody, like learning about them and their story. And I spent almost a decade in the corporate space, and in the small business, and every single day, I never got a chance to know people, and never felt great, like, I’m making these decisions, and it’s just numbers on a spreadsheet. And so I was like, what would I desire if I could really talk to somebody? And I thought I want to know the dark part of their lives, like my life. Because that was a hard thing to lose my mom and to have people say, I’m so sorry. But nobody asked me how I was doing and that that was tough. And so I think it’s evolved into this whole thing where, for me, a connection has transformed into, “I’m very, I’m very comfortable in very uncomfortable spaces” for most people, like the awkward silence, you don’t get awkward with people I don’t get embarrassed very often. And in large part of it is because I just know who I am, to the best of my ability. But I also think like connection happens when we get to that point where we’re seeing for the first time in a way we’ve never been seen. And it’s super uncomfortable, but it’s also very intimate. So we’re drawn into it. And that’s the kind of experience that I enjoy. So when I talk about being a connector, I definitely connect people together. Still, I live for the moments in which there’s like that fleeting instance of that connection to intimacy because we can only have so much of that. And that, to me, is the divine meeting itself, you know. And that to me is such a great feeling.
REGINA: That space that you just described, that intimate and connected meetings with another human. I’m finding that as I get older, that’s what I want. That’s the desire I have when I meet people. I can’t talk about the weather. Like, I can’t surface talk, but what’s a real point of connection that we can have as human beings together?
CHRIS: Yeah. It’s interesting, you get in the personal development space, and everybody’s, like, impact a million people and everything else… I’m like, but what’s in it for you? Do you want to be validated? Do you want to be seen as powerful, sexy, attractive, like, you want to drive a better car… that’s the stuff I’m interested in. Because I think often, we hide that part of ourselves because we don’t want to be found out. But that, to me, is the most authentic version of somebody is like, we’re human beings, and we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I want to know the dark parts of you. Because then, if I know the dark parts of you, I can trust you far more than if I never see that. And I want to see it fast. Because I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know that because I trust consistency. And I think what surprises most people with me is people in my life who have consistently shown me that with social media, if they’re just about the following count, they’re very open about it. I’m cool with that. And way more than somebody who’s like, Yeah, I don’t care about the following count, but their actions indicate something different. I don’t want to have to sort through the nonsense to figure things out, you know?
REGINA: Totally. When you think about the connection and the growth that you’re having right now, on Clubhouse, and on social media, what’s in it for you?
CHRIS: How I feel, I mean, it feels really good. My enjoyment is walking into a room or digitally or in-person, changing the room’s energy. That feels good. And that to me feels good because I know how to discern between manipulation and influence. And I think they’re separated by intention. And I think for me, I have a certain vision, something I want to accomplish. And for me, when somebody is very certain, very definite, they just carry themselves differently, they move differently. For me, it’s just a different experience. And so, I think the first experience I had at Clubhouse was walking into a digital room. And it was my second day on that on the platform. Two guys I knew who I do a lot of work with were doing website reviews or something, and we walked in. Danielle knew the person they were working with, this guy, Archie, and edified me to him just introduced me and said, hey, this is somebody who helps you with your business. And then for the next two hours, because he trusted me, allowed me into his business, and we solved a whole bunch of problems for him, the dude was in tears, and then wrote, like a two to 300 tested word testimonial on Facebook. And that was an experience like I’ve never had before on social media, and I was hooked. Good, we can keep doing that. That’s great. Because ultimately, it’s about that feeling over and over again. Because if I’m having fun, then I can help other people feel really good. And if we can do that, at scale, we can do something really powerful.
REGINA: Something that I teach and talk about a lot with my students and with the people that listen to the podcast is, human connection, which is the first point of contact for me like if we’re going to be a coach and, and working with people, you have to build intimacy and connection, especially in the world of social media. Building a connection is something that seems pretty intuitive to you. It’s something that you have developed over the life and experiences you’ve had. If somebody is seeking to learn how to be a better connector, what advice would you give them?
CHRIS: Yeah, I think it starts with spending a lot of time with yourself. Sitting down and asking yourself a question is writing it down on paper? Like, who am I? Really? It’s a big question. And what indicates that I am, is my name is the titles I have. And if I was to look in my life and take away all those titles, and we put them down on paper, and we cross them off, and we get to the core of that, we ask ourselves, who am I? And then once you get there, the question is, who do you want to be. And once you do that, and you realize that you have this ability to be a conscious part of what’s being created, you begin to work with the source that is. I mean, you get the opportunity to create your day, every single day, how you show up. And even if it’s not the circumstances you desire, how you look at those things are all indicated by how you show up and see them. And so that for me is the key because when you do that, you can then understand personal sovereignty and personal responsibility. And as a coach, as a healer, any of those things, you can begin to empty yourself when you’re listening to somebody else, and you become presence. And when you become presence, you become connection. And that, to me is what connection is. Because you can sort through and you can see it’s a total difference between people who are just talking and people who are communicating, totally different experience. And I think right now, especially with something like Clubhouse, we’re starting to see the acceleration of ideas. And I keep saying that word acceleration because I think it just keeps coming up. Because human beings are meeting each other for the first time, even if they knew each other because they’re starting to hear people share ideas. And these ideas that normally were held back because they were fearful of the reaction. So those things are starting to happen. And we’re starting to have a real honest response to these things. Because you can’t hide it, you can’t look at a post and be like, I don’t feel good about that. And just walk away from it. You have to have the conversation now.
REGINA: I love that. So interesting. So I think that most things in our businesses start in the space of silence and with self. And I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of flow, being in flow. So I’ve been thinking a lot about when you’re building a business, and when you’re a new entrepreneur, or you’re pivoting and starting something new, but you’re seeking to be in flow, can we be in grow? Like the grow hustle, the grind? There’s always going to be phases of the grind? Can we be in flow? And can we be grinding at the same time?
CHRIS: No. And here’s why. It’s just my personal opinion because we live in a 3D reality in which polarity exists. And so what I’m hearing is the dance between masculine-feminine, like feminine masculine structure for the feminine to flow. So it’s, we are consciously choosing one or the other at any given moment in time. But I do think what we can do is be fluid. So I think we can focus on being like water, dancing with them, because there are points in time throughout our day where we might need like, really masculine like penetrating into like what needs to be said or said or heard here and understood—and then relating with the feminine directly after. So I think just because of the nature of the 3D reality we’re in polarity does exist, but we’re doing our best to embody in the moments that we’re consciously aware of if we’re in the fourth and fifth dimension, of course, all the time. Oh, I think that’s it all the time. Yeah.
REGINA: So for you, the idea is we have that polarity and can flow between like, the peace and the hustle, the masculine and the feminine.
CHRIS: Always. Yeah, I think of because I work a lot with relationship. Like, I don’t know if a lot of people know about gene keys, but they’re amazing. Thy were a big, great tool for clarity for me. So my gifting is to work with polarity, so to dissolve polarity. So much of my work is resolving the tension for many people between a decision. They’re making where they don’t realize they can have both. And so something like this is a good one. Dr. Gay Hendricks talks about this in the big leap the idea of integrity. So while you know, society tells us that integrity is more as about morality should or shouldn’t it’s an integrity piece of physics. It is or isn’t. So do my actions align with my internal frame of reference. We don’t feel good when we’re out of alignment. Because we either didn’t choose the value, or we’re not in alignment, we’re not taking action in the valued outcome. So if we dissolve that barrier down and say, how can I get to what I want? Well, I have to have the valued outcome, and then take the action necessary, that’s the most valued action towards a valued outcome. Yeah, and with the masculine-feminine for me, and when I became aware of it, because it all starts with awareness, and then it becomes a conscious repetition, I started to recognize like, I’m a highly, highly creative person, I look at business strategy from a very creative standpoint, because I use people as paintbrushes. And I look at business as a way to create the canvas. And so in that world, where we have polarity, these two things are equal and opposite. And I think of it like a continual infinite loop, where we’re kind of coming towards the middle each time, and then we’re kind of going back and forth. And if we can know where we are in that loop, then we can understand how it can be broken if it needs to be because that’s where patterns are. Or it can be used really powerfully to know that like, okay, at this phase in my life, or this time this season, I know I’m going into winter, it’s time for me to hunker down, and I just need to learn, I’m going to summer, I know it’s time for me to have joy, fun, whatever. And especially with business because we don’t know the gestation of an idea. What’s really tricky, all we can do is just really be present with what’s happening and allow ourselves to get that feedback. And that relationship, which in itself is polarity, it’s the equal attention, which creates the attraction, right?
REGINA: What has enabled you as a man to really step into and embrace your feminine energy?
CHRIS: Yeah. So I have a really strong lover about me too, like, I’m very creative, very romantic. But I tend to allow the warrior part of me to be the dominant, because that’s just what I’ve had in my entire life. But when my love language is spoken, which is super interesting acts of service, I tend to go back into that lover very heavily, but I’ve learned that the conditioning that I have, has to have that structure. Now, when I started learning about the feminine, it was really my connection with Danielle, that taught me more about this. And realizing that for many of my years, I mean, I was raised by a very wounded feminine, you know, she went through breast cancer, so I watched her lose both her breasts, which impacted her sexual identity, I watched, you know, her connection to me, which was like a double bind pattern of come close, go away, come close, go away, and realize that that was manifesting in my relationships, you know, and I had to start realizing my relationship with the feminine within, in my own life, and how that was reflecting in my relationship. So within so without, and so it’s been, it’s been over the last three, four years, I had to do a lot of work to really work through my connection to a lot of the wounded masculine and immature, masculine that was in my life. And then also, in turn, really understand the power of my intuition, and my spiritual nature, which is my feminine. And I think a lot of that work has been done by my ability to really allow my intuition to speak to me very powerfully, and to utilize my intuition to really backup any rational thoughts or logic that I have, and really create the structure for my feminine to feel, you know, powerfully sovereign, I think. And to be honest with you on the external, I’m still working on that in relationship to see where that goes. Because I do know that I’m very driven. But I also realized that I need time to take care of myself. Self-care was big, right? Doing little things, like little rituals. And so, don’t forget that part of yourself while you’re building because that’s gonna be really, really necessary.
REGINA: Tapping into that feminine energy for men is often times I think, even just the fact that we call it feminine energy, is off-putting for men and I and I know so many men who like they feel the desire to step into that. But there’s so much fear of judgment and criticism around it, how the big question is, like, how do we help men embrace this more and step into it?
CHRIS: Yeah, well, I think first and foremost, you have to separate that idea of gender externally and masculine-feminine dynamics, right. But I think more so, we’re coming into a period of time in which the utility of men just as a core has not been embodied. Well, I don’t want to go too far. There’s gonna be a separate conversation in another episode, but I think one of the biggest challenges is like a totally sovereign masculine is one that doesn’t consider or care about the opinions of others. And so when you stand sovereign in your masculine, you’re not worried about the judgment or the criticism. And that creates such a structure for you to then be powerfully open. And the real challenge for men is to go from their head into their hearts. And to go into your heart is a deeply scary proposition because the masculine superpower is logic, reason, vision, and to go into your heart it can be, it can be a challenge because there’s so much going on in there because the masculine compartmentalizes very well. Now, if that’s not necessarily worked with or understood, we can compartmentalize so well that we detach away from any emotion whatsoever. So when you crack that motherfucker open, it’s like, there’s a war happening. And so I think, first and foremost, if I was going to give any advice, first, don’t tell a man what to do. Because men will rebel, we don’t want to be told what to do. I think, if anything, what we’re looking for is we’re looking for embodiment. We’re looking for those who embody and show versus tell us what to do. And I also think from the dynamics externally in a relationship, I think what that looks like as well is there’s a lot of anger, resentment, confusion, guilt, grief, just anger that that has not been dealt with in generations. Because especially in the West, we don’t get taught how to work with those feelings. And it’s inherently caught in the collective and what that looks like is triggering and conflict. And, you know, I’ll be frank with you, like, the rational masculine does not know what’s going on right now because there’s so much chaos and abstraction. And so now is a time and a call to the to those who are we’re really working through and transcending and dealing with the father wounds and all these various aspects to sit down in the chaos and look for clear sight to see what is and find the truth. Because those who do that right now are going to be called into a position of incredible leadership, and it’s not going to be through telling others what to do, it’s going to come from an embodied practice of very sovereign masculine, that by nature, creates presence. And that presence will allow so much healing, so I think that’s a huge part of it. And I think there’s a nuance here, right? I want to speak in generalities. Also, I’m not the representative of all men, I always say that nobody voted me in right, I can speak for me. And I think that a lot of the spiritual men come across as very highly feminine dominant men in their energy. And they’re not working on the embodiment practices of both to really be the representation of like, I needed somebody who kind of reminded me of me, I didn’t need somebody who came to me reeking of Pachulia wearing his clothing. Somebody that was like wearing t-shirt and jeans and was like, sitting down with me having like a real conversation. And I think real leadership, in my opinion, like conscious leadership, is having the “understanding” or you can call it “enlightenment” or whatever, you might just feel it further down the road, but really understanding how to communicate people and meet them where they’re at. Yeah, baffling them with your brilliance does nothing for anybody.
REGINA: It does nothing. And also like putting on a show and you know, not being who you really are dressing a different way, looking at different way…
CHRIS: When all of a sudden you show up wearing fur and everything else. And I’m like, what happened?
REGINA: For me, to step into spirituality and who I am now, my first real spiritual teacher was the girl from Philly, with giant tits who said, Go fuck yourself all the time. And was so she was so normal. And like, she was so familiar. And she was so deeply spiritual. I was like, I don’t know who this girl is. But she knew something about life.
CHRIS: Yeah, it’s amazing. You know, and teachers come in all various containers and sizes and everything else like, you know, be discerning.
REGINA: Something that’s interesting is you’re talking about the masculine and like, what’s going on, like energetically on the planet with men right now? On the other side of it, women who are we’re over here calling in the divine masculine, right? We’re like; we want the divine, we want men to step into their divine masculine and their femininity and have the polarity. Know we’re asking men, men are stepping in, I think at a rapid rate that they’ve never done before because there’s so much permission. But while women have been like speaking this type of language for a while and have been in the spiritual world and doing this work for a long time, this is like a new experience and like new permission for men to be doing this thing that we’re that we’ve been doing. And so my girlfriends will be so critical of men that are you in the space, and they’ll be like, oh, my gosh, can you believe he did that? Can you believe he said that? And I think on the other side if we’re calling men in a certain way. It’s like they are speaking this language for the first time. They are talking about feelings and things that like they never were even processing before. So there has to be this massive amount of grace, I think, given to men stepping into the space.
CHRIS: Hmm. Yeah, totally. And I think that the other side of it too is and again, I just speak for myself and as an observer, and I’m open to saying that my views may change. You know, as I learned, I’m not here to say it is the right or wrong way. I’m just saying just what I’ve observed. I also know that there’s also this really interesting call for, like, over-sexualization of what the Divine Feminine is. And especially for the sovereign masculine, who is, you know, building a kingdom or, or building like, you know, into that future, that can also be super off-putting, you know, because it’s like, that’s the representation if you’re going to be, a queen, like that is their sovereignty to how you’re objectifying yourself and the name of the divine feminine. Because there’s sovereign sexuality that comes up when it’s an embodiment practice, versus it being something that gets attention because again, the same thing for men of like, I show up wearing fur and all sudden, I’m, I’m initiated to then also on the flip side of that being, like over-sexualization, especially on things like social media, Now the trick is, it’s like my body, my choice, I totally get it. It’s just personally what my response is, as somebody who’s really focusing on embodying that sense of what masculine is. And that judgment becomes so tricky because what is more, what is more opposite of divine than judgment. I mean judgment is saying that I am in what I believe to be my sovereignty is to still detach myself away from others, and to separate myself, which is the essence of this union. And if you’re looking to union with the sacred masculine, then what I believe to be happening for both of these energies, both of this embodiment is to create the space for the other, and in service to each other in that way, and I think that that becomes super, super interesting. I mean, for men, especially, it’s the understand the powerful chaos that is the feminine. And for the feminine, it’s the powerful presence of the masculine, who is deeply tied and tied to his heart. And I think both of those together is like circling around as fast as we can to get to that core, and we’re working on it. And I think it’s a beautiful dance.
REGINA: And I think the question that always has to be asked, I’m thinking about the over-sexualized feminine and times. What is your intention? Why are you doing this? Why are you showing up like this? Because I think a lot of people like if they look deep in their heart of hearts, the intention is not necessarily could not necessarily be the purest intention.
CHRIS: Sure. And I mean, you know, there’s nothing wrong with wanting sex, there’s nothing wrong with one of those things. You can do it like there’s no judgment whatsoever. It’s just true. Again, that integrity piece of “Does your action line up with what you say?” for me, I observe how people embody the things that they say. And I’d prefer somebody not to commit to it in public if they’re not really committed to it and private. Just be human about it. Like I’m always clear with people like I followed my practices, things happen. But there’s a conscious unbalancing that happens like right now over the last 60 days, I saw an opportunity for me to accelerate a vision I had, and I consciously allowed myself to have a complete amount of chaos for 60 days because the outcome was valued. And we achieved the outcome. Now I have to go back and create a new structure for that. So you know, it’s super interesting, as I’ve gotten older, too. And as I’ve gone through, you know, marriage before, and stuff like that my views on relationships have drastically changed. And I’m open to that, too. We had a great conversation last night. I was in a Clubhouse room, until five o’clock in the morning, which our mutual friend Kyle was there too. And we were just having a conversation, like, really pulling these ideas apart. And asking the questions and seeing if people resonated or not, and I think those things are important.
REGINA: How has your viewpoint and thoughts around relationships changed? What were they? And what are they, at this point, morphing into?
CHRIS: Relationships are a huge teacher. For me, I think initially, they manifested as a way for me to find validation in my insecurity, especially, you know, as my mom passed away. So I, my personal view is Love. And it manifests in different ways based on the definition you give to a relationship. So I don’t think that there’s any separation of love, just how it manifests. So, for instance, in romantic relationships, it started with me really utilizing things like sex and whatever as a way to get my basic needs met. Because I needed security when my mom passed away. I mean, I went through times of homelessness, and then my father, and he was a real piece of work and, you know, super vulnerable, and I was trying to figure things out. And so relationships for me were like, where do I sleep? Where do I eat? What do I do next for a couple of years? And so that was at a point in time in which I was really utilizing my keen understanding of people to get what I needed. And, and as I got married, and I went through that relationship, you know, a large part of that was service in a way which I never really agreed upon to, but apparently, I did because it was like, just serve just like I did to my mom, just take care of this person, as opposed to being a powerful conversation between two people who had a joint vision. And so I just did that for seven years. And you know, ultimately, what a wonderful person, but realized that really, I had no relationship to who I was, I had no clue what I wanted, who I was, or anything else I just knew I was doing for somebody else. And I was just burnt out completely. And what it evolved into after that, because of business, and everything else is like, I consider relationships to be deeply intimate agreements that we get into, where it’s all about understanding our expectations, and also learning about who we are in the reflection of others. And so, relationship for me has been a mirror to find my shadow, my triggers. And also, what has changed for me is this understanding of what we do with marriage and things like monogamy. Nobody ever says that you should commit and powerfully say, I give you my monogamy. But it’s just something we agree upon, and then we, you know, we get upset with men, you know, because of the genetic urge, you know, to want to, you know, go forth and multiply, right, or a woman who decides that she wants wants the attention, and she’s not getting it, where she, I mean, relationships become such an identity thing. And so what it’s come up for me now is, especially in the vision that I have, and as I get older, and I understand the power of things like my human design is a sacred manifesting generator. Like, my energy, the dissenter is defined within the relationship in sexual energy, which means I can manifest like crazy. But I can also have a completely diminished return if that sexual energy is given to the wrong person, or projects. So I have to be really, really discerning with that currency that I have. Because a relationship for me multiplies or divides, it doesn’t add or subtract. So now it’s like really being thoughtful around the boundaries that I hold. And also, I’m not in stage anymore, where relationship defines me. You know, and I think also in a relationship in which two conscious individuals come together, where you are working, and you’ve, you’ve become relatively whole, right? You’re still working on it. Whereas it’s not like you complete me like that old nonsense, but rather, two powerful people who were able to give from the overflow of abundance. It’s like a different experience. And you share that shape in that vision. And I don’t know, I’m just not somebody who’s really impressed by flings, right. And other stuff is just not interesting. So I can spend that time doing something towards my vision.
REGINA: Totally when you think about so you are married, you’re divorced. When you think about monogamy, and or marriage, what are your thoughts on them now? Would you ever get married again?
CHRIS: So my thoughts on marriage are super interesting because I see the business behind marriage too. And I also see the benefit, it’s something where when you have a conversation about it, you understand what it’s for, like, I believe in the covenant of marriage, I believe in that and that sovereign covenant, but I don’t think it needs to be exempt, like exemplified $100,000 wedding, or a $60,000 ring, just to say that you love now if that’s something that, that I’m in a relationship with a woman who says this is just something that I desire, because it makes me happy, not because it identifies me or whatever, I’m open to that. Whatever, it’s just money. But I think the other side of it, too, is like understanding what that means—both from a financial standpoint, a business standpoint, a relationship standpoint. With monogamy, I think it’s super important to have those conversations where you’re open to each other about what desires do you have? Could you withstand your partner coming to you and saying, I had a sexual thought about somebody else? How does that hit your ego? What do you do with that? Now for me, I, I know, I told you, I’m huge, you know, listener of Aubrey Marcus and kind of the stuff that work that he does, I have a huge amount of respect for him. I can’t wait to meet him. But I personally know that for me, an open relationship is not my journey. It’s not my path. I’ve never been called to. It’s just not interesting to me. I don’t think I have to transmute any shadows of jealousy or anything like that. It’s just not interesting to me. But I don’t judge others who do and like rock on, you know,
REGINA: Yeah, I feel the same way about polyamory and having an or having an open relationship. Like, I don’t think there’s any like shadow work I need to do around my jealousy in that, but I’m just more interested like you. My sexual relationships generate huge creativity and abundance. Where they literally rob me of all of my energy, and I can barely get out of bed in the morning because of the weight of that sexual connection. So I find that a monogamous, openly communicative relationship is when I am the most abundant, and I know most I love connection. I love having that person you’re so connected with like, they could be on the other side of the room, and something happens and you just like, look at each other across the room and you’re like, I know that you know that. I know what’s happening right now. That’s the best. It’s interesting. I think to like these conversations about monogamous marriage, relationships are so important because as people are doing the deep soul work around Their shadows and dramas. They realize that the way that they were viewing marriage and monogamy and committed relationships was all based on co-dependency and being with another person to help me feel a certain way.
CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, it’s, it’s one of those things where, relationships are a crucible, if you’re doing them, right. I mean, it’s, that’s why I’m looking for you know, if anything in my life, you know, it’s a clean mirror for me to do that with and I think also, you know your ability to withstand and work through with the triggers and stuff like that. And I think ultimately, the catalyst for an intimate and deeply loving relationship is safety. And that goes for both men and women. You know, neither one safety is more important than the other. When you start getting into comparative suffering, and you start getting into a war of ideals of whose priorities are more important than the other, then it’s time to take a step back and ask yourself, Am I here for convenience? And for what advantages this relationship brings me or because like, I really genuinely value what we’re building together. And I think that’s a good catalyst for the clarity of what your decision is.
REGINA: Totally. And in that understanding, you have to understand yourself. Yeah. And like, what it is you’re seeking, what it is, like, what makes me feel safe in a relationship? Oh, and how do I communicate that to a partner and let them know that like, this is where I’m at? These are my boundaries. This is how I’m feeling?
CHRIS: Yeah. I mean, totally. It’s, it’s, it’s creating that space for things to be said, like, in my head out my mouth, you know, because, you know, Daniel says, Listen, I really appreciate it, you know, if there’s no conflict, there’s secrets. And I think we get taught that you know, you’re not supposed to fight or whatever. But it’s like, No, no, no, it’s like, in that secret relationship, like, there’s going to be some war that happens. And I think that can create a lot of beautiful opportunities, or I mean, obviously can pull you apart, but relationships are voluntary. And so when people say, like, I was stuck in that relationship, or whatever, I totally understand where people might come from. But we all have personal responsibility. You know, and once we have that, it’s a tricky thing to say. Because it immediately hits us in our ego and says, like, well, you don’t know the situation. But it’s like, at the end of the day, that conversation still is. We have personal responsibility that we have to be able to exercise and be able to figure out how there are positions of privilege. And I get that 100%; I’ve been in some really difficult dynamic situations of power, where I’ve really relied on certain people in times of deep vulnerability and deep, you know, pain. And if I had to go through many of those things now, later in life in my 30s, versus in my earlier life, I’d probably self-medicate. I’d probably try to avoid them. I’m just very thankful I went through some really big darkness in the beginning of my life versus now. And I’m able to kind of withstand that and sit within be cool with it.
REGINA: Something like, thinking about relationships that I really like, and I’m intrigued about with you, is that you’re able to still have a relationship with your ex-girlfriend. Is there in like the uncoupling of that relationship, where there are conversations about like, how the container is changing, and what that will look like?
CHRIS: Totally, I mean, I have absolute love, and maybe it happens again. I leave space open. And I think it goes back to both people being honest about what it is that they need to create, and whether where they see their lives going. And as that container has changed, I mean, it’s somebody I still do a ton of business with. It’s still something I have a ton of respect for, plays a huge role in my life. And I think it speaks to the level of growth and consciousness we brought to the relationship in the first place. And you take it step by step and see where you go with it.
REGINA: It’s interesting, because in my earlier life when I broke up with somebody, it was done, I never spoke to them again, it was over. But as I have just changed and grown, I maintain a level of intimacy with those people I had relationships with before, and I was talking to the guy I’m dating now about it. And he said it so beautifully. He said, I don’t ever expect you to fulfill every level of intimacy, I am requiring in life. I have other people who may be even like women that I have had a romantic relationship with before but don’t anymore. Feel some level of intimacy for me. And so I’ve been adopting that into my life, like having certain levels of intimacy with people from the past to I love with it, like pure love. It’s not sexual anymore. But that relationship has changed.
CHRIS: Yeah, that just inspired an idea for me, which is, I think the real connection is our ability to get the clarity on what and who we really are. And to get that full picture. Every single person at times in your life you’ve shared intimacy with has seen you in different ways. So they have like puzzle pieces. And so all these puzzle pieces we’re trying to pull together, it’s why we get so excited about things like Natal charts, or gene keys or human design, it’s like, oh, this is another part Oh, that makes total… it surprises us. We get the light from it because we’re just like, oh, wow, that’s amazing. And, you know, but it’s like we remember. I mean, it’s so it’s, it’s interesting as we seek out the external recognition of what we already know, inside. And I think that’s part of our human journey. We want to be seen. We already know what we are; we just want to be seen for it. And I think that’s part of the journey that’s interesting. So all these different relationships, each one of them got a different part of you. And instead of the jealousy or the conflict that comes up, what if we united in that idea of, how can I add to this bigger picture that is this person to help them see themselves? Because I tend to lead a lot with a lot of optimism for humanity, even in darkness, like I see redemption a lot. And I think that that’s really, really important. Because if we continue to push somebody into the darkness like that’s our doing, how is that whole entire idea of redemption? Like when somebody says they’re sorry, what else do you want from them? Do you want them to get hit by a bus? Take a bullet for you? What do you need? It’s more about, there’s something within us that we want, but it’s really about our own personal healing that we need to do that we want someone else to take that bullet for us. And I know where I was going with that. But that was the inspiration.
REGINA: I like it. I like that. And I also like to something I’m really embracing in my relationships is like, people really are trying like the people I’ve had romantic relationships with I that I have any relationships with right now they are truly trying to do the best that they can in any. They’re waking up, like the people closest in my life wake up every day. And they say, how can I be a better human today? So if we start with that premise, then they’re doing the best they can do and, maybe we need to communicate on another level about this is how I need communication to be, or this is what I require right now. But I think if we start with that as an umbrella, we have so much more grace for everyone.
CHRIS: Yeah, I mean, it’s, we’re always doing the best that we can. I mean, until then, one of my mentors said this to me once he said until people have seen what you’ve seen or heard what you’ve heard, or felt what you felt, they’ll never understand. And I think we tend to want people to understand, and we tell people like you have to go do this, you have to go do that like people don’t be told what to do. I said that earlier, but also like I think the embodiment of real leadership and influence, in my opinion, is paving the way for somebody without ever telling them. And I was letting them take their own journey. Like don’t save people, let them struggle better, like serve them in service doesn’t mean that you save people, it means that you just give them the tools to maybe help them struggle better. You know, as Ray Dalio says. And I’ve always really enjoyed that, you know, I want to help people struggle better because that’s really what empowers people. And that, to me, is the difference. And we’ve talked about this before the difference between the person who’s building a business or platform to be followed versus people who are truly setting people free. And I think the people who are really focusing on setting people free, It’s their time, like, that’s the new paradigm coming up.
REGINA: I agree. I think like because of what has happened over the past ten years online; people are so smart. And they know they know what is real, and they know what is not. And the intuition is like coming alive, and people on the planet is waking up at such a beautiful rapid rate. And people’s barometer for bullshit is so high right now. I could talk to you for hours about every rabbit hole I go down.
I love this. I love having you on the podcast. Where can people find you on Clubhouse, on Instagram? And how can they connect with you?
CHRIS: Yeah, both are @iamchrisdelaney Clubhouse and Instagram. Those are the two best places to connect to me right now. We got a bunch of projects launching, so websites are coming, and all that stuff that people keep telling me that I need to have that I’ve told them just be patient. So it’ll be @iamchrisdelaney as well. But Clubhouse is where I’m spending most of my time and hosting two rooms a day at nine o’clock in the morning. 10am—Eastern as an intention-setting room, which has been amazing. So many great things have come from that. And then each night, I usually host around seven to 10 pm we do a room based on community connection and communication. And I just find some really dope people on Clubhouse and I’m like, come with me. Let’s go talk and then let people love, and we can have a great party, and that’s why I’m sharing my time. And then Instagram is where I wasn’t spending any time on Instagram before. And it’s insanity how quickly it has grown just because it’s the direct connect in Clubhouse So I just do live content there, which I love doing. Anyways, I’ my card jammed on and I’m like I’m gonna talk for 20 minutes about you know something very specific in your business. People usually charge you for a masterclass let’s talk about this.
REGINA: I love it. Guys, go follow Chris connect with him. Check out his Clubhouse rooms in the morning and the evening. I love you guys.
Regina Lawrence Esq. is a former trial attorney and law school professor turned soulful business & life strategist. She has found that so many entrepreneurs have these brilliant ideas and dreams but don’t know how to take the dream and create a system or structure to make that dream & idea profitable. That is where Regina comes in. With discipline, consistency, systems & structure, we can’t help but create profit & fulfillment from our soul-driven business ideas.
Regina’s approach to coaching marries her background in legal analysis, spirituality, mindset coaching, holistic nutrition, and neuroscience to create an experience that will assist you in getting into alignment, get clear on what you are here to do and what steps and systems to implement to make that dream a profitable reality.
You can find Regina on Instagram @reginaalawrence.