Lately I got to thinking about self-love. AKA the most important, undervalued, under-cherished and under-nurtured love today. I feel 100% confident in saying that. I spend my days chatting with people, reading through online forums and post and something is abundantly clear. We are struggling to love ourselves. And guess what? If we don’t love ourselves, we don’t have the love to give to others and we are not able to attract the love that we deserve.
I have been seeing a trend with my girlfriends who keep telling me, “Regina I keep ending up on these horrible dates – the men are treating me like shit or not with the respect I deserve and then I feel like shit about myself.” To which my first question is always, “How do you feel about you? How much love do you have for yourself?” I always ask this question right away because I am a believe in energy – meaning what we put out into the work we attract back into our lives. This isn’t just a woo-woo Regina thing – this is science people. The energy we emit is quantifiable and measurable. It is real. And it is fueled by the thoughts that we think and the words that we speak.
Have you ever walked into a room, and the room had a vibe. You could cut the tension with a knife but no one spoke a single word? Or you walk into a concert or a festival or an event with people who you love more than anyone in the world – and the energy is high and electrifying? You can feel the tension. You can feel the excitement. It’s because you are feeling that energy. So it makes perfect sense that if we are not feeling love and positive energy for the person hat we are, we are going to emit that out into the world and attract a similar energy to us. And that is a freaking PROBLEM! We want the most abundant, love-filled lives, and we want to attract those people into our lives. So, I want to give you a couple of tips on how to bring the love into your life, and it all starts with you.
My first tip is to every single day recognize something within yourself that is lovable. That might sound simple for some of you, but for others this is going to be very hard, and that’s okay because step one is just finding something about you that you love. Even if it’s, “I love my eyebrows,” or “I’m really good at baking brownies from a box” – Praise that and love that! Love something about yourself every single day. Did you hear me? EVERY DAMN DAY! It doesn’t matter how silly you feel about it. It doesn’t matter if you feel like the thing you are loving is trivial. It’s not. Just find something every day that you love about yourself and then give thanks for it.
Go one whole day without criticizing yourself. If that is daunting, that’s okay. Go an hour. Spend an hour of your day not criticizing yourself, and then two hours, and then six hours, and then 12 hours, and then eventually, have an entire day where you are criticism-free. This is so crucial because the thoughts that we think about ourselves and the words that we say to ourselves manifest in our lives and manifest in what we attract to ourselves. Just start minute by minute, hour by hour, only thinking and saying positive words about yourself.
As you begin this day of no criticism, if you get to hour 12 and you have a negative thought about yourself, that’s okay. Get back on the horse the very next second and start saying positive things about yourself. We are in recovery every single day to love ourselves more. I have had significant periods of my life where I’ve struggled to love myself. You’ve been conditioned this way, and you are going to recondition yourself instantly. It’s just going to take time. So your goal is to spend a day not criticizing yourself.
Then my final suggestion is something that I learned from the great Louise Hay. Louise Hay talks about (and one of her practices was) mirror work. Mirror work is looking at yourself in the mirror, looking yourself in the eyes, into your pupils, into your soul, and saying positive affirmations to yourself. I challenge all of you, especially if self-love is something that you’re struggling with, pick a mantra. Pick something powerful to say every day in the mirror. (If you are looking for new mantras, follow me on Facebook or Instagram for daily mantras!). I post my mantras daily because they are things that I am saying to myself daily, in the mirror!
If you are struggling with self-love, your mantra could be something like, “I promise to love you every second of today,” or, “You are the most beautiful soul and I will only give you love and gratitude.” Whatever it is, whatever you’re struggling with, really think about it and speak it to yourself, but say it in the mirror to you. When you get up in the morning, before you brush your teeth, or scrape your tongue, or whatever you’re going to do in the morning, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself something positive and affirming. Say it out loud. Speak it into existence, and then through the day, when you’re in the bathroom at work washing your hands or you see your reflection in your rear view mirror, say that mantra. Say it to yourself. Even if you say it in your head, say it to yourself through the day and I promise you, that you will feel so much different about yourself.
Nothing makes you more grateful for yourself when you’re grateful for everything in your life. A great practice is to keep a journal by your bedside and every morning or every night (or both), write down the stuff that you’re grateful for. No matter how big or how small, give thanks and have gratitude for the things in your life that you have and the things that you want to come into your life. Sometimes my morning gratitude might be “I’m grateful for this king-sized bed that I’m sleeping in. I’m grateful for this coffee that I’m drinking. I’m so thankful for the job that I have.” Whatever it is, you can find gratitude in every little thing in your life.
Also, don’t just have you gratitudes just be things outside of you – give thanks for who you are. Be thankful for your eyebrows. Give thanks for the Botox that you get (I have been thankful for this more than once!).
If you start to implement these things into your life, the love that you feel for yourself will develop and become abundant. And then this love will pour over into every area in your life. If you are in a relationship, it will extend and flow into that relationship. If you’re single and you are seeking to meet someone, you better believe that that person will be attracted to the love that you have for yourself, and you will attract the right kind of person.
But it all starts with you. It starts with your heart. It starts with your intentions, and it starts with how you talk to yourself and how you think about yourself.