I don’t think I tell you enough how much I love you. Actually, I don’t think I have ever actually said to you that I love you. Or that I adore you. And for that I am sorry. I’ve spent so many of the years of my life running from you. I tried to ignore you. I tried to suppress you. And I’ve actually been pretty cruel to you. And for those years, I am offering you my deepest apologies.
So today, I am laying down my ego, and I making true amends to you. You know how in recovery, addicts go back and make amends? They go back to the people they deeply hurt and offer their apologies. In my recovery, I have never acknowledged what I did to you and apologized. So that is what I am doing here today.
I’m sorry for every time I said unkind words to you. Every single cell absorbed those words and vibrations and that was not fair.
I’m sorry for the way I looked at you and the correlating thoughts. This body has served me and continues to serve me every second of my life.
I’m sorry for the extreme stress and anxiety I put you through and for the strain it put on you. Everything always got done. Every goal always was met. Every benchmark achieved. And we didn’t have to do it with so much pain.
I’m sorry for all the shitty diets I put you on. I’m sorry for depriving you of the nutrition you required to get me through those terrible workouts and for depriving my brain of the nutrition it required to get through the 21 years of formal education I underwent. Thank you for surviving and thriving through it.
I’m also sorry for the abusive workouts I put you through. The workouts I did, not out of love for you but, out of hate for you. The workouts I did because I had so much anger inside of me that I knew no other way to get it out than through a strenuous workout.
I’m sorry for the people I dated that didn’t respect you. You are worth so much more than that. I’m sorry for the relationships I stayed in too long because I was living in fear and was scared we would never meet someone else. How could I expect anyone to love you the way you deserved if I wasn’t going to love you first? How could I expect people to speak to you with kindness and respect if I didn’t respect you first?
I’m sorry for thinking small. For not embracing abundance. For not trusting the Divine. For suppressing your dreams. Thank you for serving me. Thank you for sticking with me through all of this. And thank you for reviving that 5 year old little girl inside of you that dreamed and imagined so big that she believed she would sit and have conversations with the Divine. Today, I acknowledge you. And I commit to truly loving you with every cell in my body, every second of my life.