I put a poll out on my Facebook and Instagram asking people if they thought marriage was forever and the answer were so educational for me. To see everyone’s answers, here is the link.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about this subject because, if I’m being completely honest, I don’t know if I want to get married.
I have also spent a lot of time thinking about why I am not sure if marriage is in the cards for me.
As a kid, I always thought I would get married. Have babies. Live a more traditional life.
To say that my life is non-traditional is an understatement. But this is also because I know that I am called to work and serve in a way that most people aren’t supposed to. And I’m okay with that.
I also am from a family where my parent’s were married and broke up at a prime age to really fuck a girl up – 13 years old.
But even after my parents broke up, I still wanted to get married and have kids. I honestly thought I’d meet someone in college and marry them after graduation and have a baby.
How the Universe has laughed at me and all my grand plans.
A marriage proposal from one guy, an engagement that I broke off with another guy, and a five year partnership I ended last year have come and gone between that time period.
All contained incredible life lessons for me (I’ll share about the lessons of them and everyone else in-between another time).
Over the past year since I broke up with my ex, I have dated a lot and examined whether or not I wanted to get married.
While I was with my ex, something came up for me a lot.
As my friends around me were getting engaged, planning weddings, and having babies, I didn’t feel any fomo or desire to have those experiences in my life.
It became very clear to me that having a partner was really important to me. One person who I was monogamously committed to was important. A person to share my life with has always been something that I love and enjoy being in.
But the whole get married thing just started to have less and less appeal to me.
Something also started to become apparent to me.
When someone would tell me they were getting divorced or that their marriage failed, I have always felt happy for them.
Why? Because they usually always centered around two people who weren’t in alignment and the union didn’t last.
I also started to feel bothered by societies response to divorce. We look at divorcees as victims.
I hate that.
Because of how I was feeling inside, I decided to go on a journey into the subject of marriage. Into my own thoughts and feelings.
Spiritually into what makes sense for me.
And this is where I have landed.
What are soul contracts all about?
During the same time period that I started to explore my feelings on marriage, I also started to investigate what soul contracts are.
A soul contract is an agreement or agreements we make with other souls before we are born. And these agreements we make are based on the lessons that we want to learn in this life.
Soul contracts would apply to the family that we choose to be a part of and the relationships that we seek.
I started to explore this concept in my own life.
I first learned about it when I started to study Louise Hay and her teachings. The concept that we choose our families and relationships based on the lessons we wanted to learn was in alignment with how I started to view the soul and reincarnation.
It also makes us accountable for the lives that we live. If we have chosen this life, this family, and this path, it was for our highest good.
Even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. What is the lesson for this lifetime, for us?
As I started to deep dive into soul contracts, my whole view and perception of marriage changed.
How do soul contracts relate to marriage?
As I dove deeper into understanding soul contracts, something became clear to me.
I had so many serious relationships with men through my life.
And from each of those relationships, I learned a lesson. Something that I took with me in life and to the next relationship.
I realized that I had made those contracts before birth and everything that happened in those relationships was happening for me.
So then how does the soul contract relate to marriage?
There are people who we have a sacred contract to marry or to have a relationships with.
And from that marriage or relationship, we learn the lessons we are required, from that person, in this life time.
Maybe that contract is supposed to last this whole lifetime.
But maybe it’s not.
Or it’s there to teach us a lesson. And then after we receive the lesson, we move on to the next.
“So why even get married?”, you may ask.
Because everyone has a different journey and path.
Maybe someone has an attachment to the idea of getting married and they want to get married.
Or maybe before someone came to this earth, they had a particular lesson their soul needed to learn that could only be accomplished through a marriage and a divorce.
It’s their soul. It’s their journey. It’s their lesson. Who am I to judge?
Why a “failed” marriage is a lesson – not a failure
When we are honoring our soul contracts and moving through life in this way, if a marriage or a relationships doesn’t last, that doesn’t mean it’s a failure.
It just means that maybe that contract wasn’t supposed to last forever.
In society, there is so much stigma around “failed” relationships.
People look at your like they pity you.
If you have many serious relationships, people wonder what’s wrong with you.
“Will she ever settle down?”
“He was such a nice guy – why did she break up with him?”
(These are the things my family says about me each time I break up with a long term boyfriend. The snitches in the family always fill me in.)
When I broke up with my last serious boyfriend, I didn’t really tell anyone.
Not because I wasn’t firm in my decision.
But I didn’t want to feel the low vibrational energy of people who “felt bad” for me and my situation.
Instead of looking at people who end relationships with sadness and pity, we must let them be.
Even if you adopt this concept of the soul contract, it doesn’t mean when the relationships ends, you aren’t sad. We are all humans and have feelings. And those feelings should be felt and grieved.
But it doesn’t mean the relationship was a failure or the years together were wasted.
The question I constantly ask myself is, “What was the lesson in that relationships for me?”
When we are always seeking the lesson, we are never a victim.